On Going Down Fighting

The organization I work for allows employees to use paid sick leave to improve their mental health, not just their physical health. In this regard, I think it is a bit ahead of its time. Since I really needed to improve my mental health, I took a half day off work last Friday to do just that. Shortly after lunch, I made a visit to the National Shrine of Saint Rita to say hello to my patron saint and older spiritual sister (Therese of Lisieux is more like my twin spiritual sister). Then, I wandered up and down South Street while practicing mindful walking and exploring my five senses (South Street has a wide array of sights, sounds, and aromas from restaurants). I also visited many of the neat stores on the road and had a good time enjoying the atmosphere. One of the stores I visited was an occult bookstore called Garland of Letters. They sell a number of small booklets, each somewhere between $1 and $5. The booklets looked fun, so I bought several, including the ones shown in the image below. 

 

Some of the booklets I bought were written by a spiritual teacher named Vernon Howard. These interested me because I remember there was a time many years ago when I was somewhat into him. However, this was so long ago that I can't remember any of his teachings or why they appealed to me. I plan to read these booklets to find out. If I come across any teachings that might be helpful to students of Bardon's system, I'll be sure to share and discuss them in a future post. One of the other booklets I bought was by Paramahansa Yogananda. It is about thirty small pages and I have already finished reading it. I want to discuss a very good teaching found in one of the sections of the booklet. In this section, Yogananda explains that if you are being killed by a negative trait, it is better to go down fighting than to give up.

Now, as any student of Bardon's system knows, one of the Step 1 astral exercises is to make a list of one's negative traits, known as a "black soul mirror." While the idea of the negative traits on our black soul mirror killing us might seem strange, it is actually a possibility for some traits. An addiction to smoking could result in us dying from lung cancer. A tendency to have suicidal thoughts could result in us actually committing suicide. Anorexia could cause us to starve ourselves to death. A tendency to text while driving could cause us to drive off a cliff by accident. Alcoholism could cause us to die of alcohol poisoning. Binge eating disorder could result in us dying from diabetes or a number of other health issues stemming from obesity. As someone who's struggled with binge eating disorder in the past, there was a period of time when I regularly feared for my life because I couldn't control myself, binged regularly, and developed many health issues (some of which I still have) as a result. At some point, I was too afraid to even have my blood sugar levels checked, even though I knew that it would be prudent to do so given my situation.

While I was struggling with binge eating disorder, I created a prayer rule specifically to help me overcome this negative trait, and I would say this prayer rule every evening before going to bed. However, every time I binged, I would think to myself "What is even the point of saying my prayer rule? It is probably too late to overcome my binge eating disorder. I am already suffering from so many health issues because of it, and at this rate, these health issues are definitely going to kill me before I overcome my binge eating disorder. Instead of continuing to struggle against my binge eating disorder, I might as well give up and allow myself to give into my urge to constantly binge on junk food." 

I wish I could go back in time and tell my young adult self what I have read in The Law of Success, which is that even if a negative trait kills you, it is better to go down fighting. Then, I would have been more motivated to say my prayer rule on days I had binged instead of feeling that it was pointless. If I were to go into a diabetic coma and die, it would be better for me to go into the coma while in the midst of saying my prayer rule than while lounging around despairing and feeling hopeless. During his discussion of why it is better to go down fighting, Yogananda explains that even if we are killed by a negative trait, we will have to resume our fight against it in our next incarnation. Thus, even if we do not overcome the negative trait in this life, it is best to do as much damage as we can to it before dying. That way, it will be weaker in our next incarnation and we will have an easier time overcoming it.