Why I Study and Practice Magic

When Ajahn Lee was young, he killed a dog in a fit of rage because the dog stole an egg he was cooking.  After feeling remorse for what he had done, Ajahn Lee wondered how he could make up for his violent act. He decided to become a Buddhist monk. Now he is considered one of the greatest meditation masters in the Thai Forest Tradition of Theravada Buddhism.

I mention this story because I find Ajahn Lee's motivation for pursuing the Buddhist path very relatable. While I've never killed an animal out of anger, I've done many things to others that were quite mean.

I think the earliest memory I have of doing something mean was of an incident that happened in preschool. I remember several friends and I were building a snowman on the playground and another kid came up to us and asked if he could build the snowman with us. I told him no. I didn't have a good reason for not letting him join our group. I guess I just felt like being mean, and I'm sure he felt left out and rejected as a result.

The second-earliest memory I have of doing something mean happened during kindergarten, and also occurred on a playground. I grabbed a handful of dirt from the ground and threw it into another kid's eyes. I can't remember why I did that, but I do remember getting in trouble with both the kindergarten teacher and my parents.

I have quite a few other memories of doing mean things besides those two. In IIH, Bardon warns you against dwelling on past incidents where you acted wrongly. He points out that feeling guilty won't change the past, and instead of feeling guilty, it is better to make a commitment to act differently in the future.

Bardon is absolutely right. I do sometimes think about the mean things I did in the past, but it's not because I want to drown in feelings of guilt. It's because thinking about those past incidents motivates me to act differently in the future. In fact, my memories of all the times in the past I've been mean to others inspire me to be the best student of magic I can be. I know that in the past, I've caused a lot of people suffering by doing mean things. I hope to make up for that by committing to helping people find joy and fulfillment in the future. For me, magic is a valuable tool in my quest to do just that. Several of the spirits Bardon describes in PME, especially the Earthzone spirit Kofan, have taught me much and been very supportive of my efforts.

I study and practice magic because it teaches me that the way I was in the past is not the way I have to be in the present or the future. It teaches me that taking responsibility for who I am is a wise choice, that recreating myself into the person I want to be is always a possibility, and that a legacy of cruelty can turn into a legacy of compassion if I am willing to commit to the right values and let go of my ego.

May we all learn our deepest lessons in life.

Comments

  1. ArnoldNovember 22, 2019 at 10:40 PM


    40/5000
    Thank you, beautiful reading. I needed it

    ReplyDelete
  2. IryasuNovember 23, 2019 at 1:32 PM

    Very noble and respectable motivation. As you said in multiple occurences, a strong desire to help others is one of the best catalysts for progress on maturity and magic.
    The story about the link reminded me of one I heard at a meditation center of a terrible king who took pride in being called Ivan the terrible by killing mercilessly both his subjects and enemies. However after starting to introspect and to reflect on his actions, he also became a big meditator and turned into one of the most benevolent kings

    ReplyDelete

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